Baby number two wrecked me.

I know for a lot of mamas the leap into motherhood is tough but it just wasn’t for me. I’d dreamt my whole life of being a mom and when it was finally my turn I couldn’t have been more content. We went through a lot when Judah was born – an emergency c section, 15 days in the NICU along with the bills, 6 weeks on oxygen, the Covid quarantine, just to name a few – but none of it felt heavy or hard because he was here.

Fast forward, Shiloh is born. A dream birth. A precious girl. We are so excited. I soak in every minute of the First Forty Days. Newborn bliss. And then the honeymoon is over and it’s time to figure out how to be a mom with my attention split. I struggled. For months. Feelings of overwhelm, sadness, unworthiness, incompetence. I couldn’t keep up with my home, my husband, my babies, my work, my friends. I was just always behind, striving to keep up. 

My good friend and mentor, Wynne, asked me to join the Look Up Collective, a group she was just launching with Elizabeth and Chris. Wynne is always leading me and coaching me and I respect her and the value she’s added to my life so I said yes. Genuinely, I jumped in to support a friend, I didn’t think what she had to offer would change my life.

I remember learning in the first month of LUCO (The Look Up Collective) to “clarify what matters”. And a lightbulb went off in me. I’m doing SO many things in my life because other people are telling me too. Buy this, work here, start that. And if the person speaking was someone I respected, even in one aspect of their life, I would listen. I was the little girl, parading around in my mother’s dress and shoes and jewelry, thinking that made me grown up. I began thinking about my goals, my vision, my dream, my family and what belonged in my life according to those. Slowly, I removed the garments that looked so good on others but just didn’t fit in my life. I felt so light.

Unburdened from the weight of what didn’t belong to me, I began reclaiming my life. I decluttered my home, got off Instagram, reevaluated my work, created rhythms for the tedious tasks of laundry and cooking and cleaning, I began to look intently at my schedule, I dropped anything that didn’t serve my vision for my life. And changed my mind about everything that did belong, deciding to find purpose and joy in those tasks.

Here I am, a year in. I was committed to a year in LUCO. Now I can’t imagine my life without it. The calls and community ground me. They enable me to take my thoughts captive, to see the pain points and struggles of my life as a guide to make sure I’m still on my path. I’m happy, confident, thriving in my role as homemaker, wife, mama. I am finally in a place to allow my gifts to overflow outside of my home. Should I ever feel tempted to find purpose in my gifts and work and striving and doing again, to stop and remind myself of my value and worth in being a daughter of the King. I’m forever grateful for the tools I’ve been given by Elizabeth, Wynne and Chris to rest in my identity in Christ as I pursue him and intentionally form a life that makes God the hero of it all.

If you are curious about the Look Up Collective you can find more information at lookupandserve.com. If my story and their message to be “freed up to look up and serve” stop wondering if you are worth it and sign up here!